On the first day of awakening we had a forgiveness talk. Afterwards we had a time of prayer and reflection. During that time the Lord sent me a vision.
In the vision I was walking around a circular room with one door. I passed the door once then I stopped at the door the next time I walked by it. I looked at it and after a little bit I finally decided to open the door. It took everything in me to try it because I didn’t want to for some reason. I was really hesitant but I tried the door and it didn’t open so I was like, “Well evidently I’m not supposed to open that door because it’s locked.” Then after a moment I looked down and realized I was holding a key. It took a while of debating with myself to decide to try the key in the door. I was still very hesitant to try to open the door but eventually I tried the key in the door and it unlocked the door. I opened the door and I just started weeping. One of the main things was odd about this was before training camp I couldn’t have told you the last time I had even actually cried. Then there was something in that room that just made me start to weep. I don’t know what was in that room and I’ll never find out. But whatever it was it opened up something in me that I didn’t know was there or that needed to be released.
A little bit later I was sitting and I got the vision again and this time I was sitting on the other side of the second room in front of another door. I decided to try and open it with a lot less hesitation because I decided that if I had already started the process of whatever was going on then I would just continue. This door was also locked but I still had the key so I tried it again and it worked again. I opened the door and behind it was a black pit that I didn’t know how deep it went. Now any other person would have not continued or would have looked for a safe way down. When I saw the pit for some reason my first instinct was to jump into said pit with an unknown bottom. I don’t know what came over me but I just jumped on impulse. And I left that part of the vision and that day falling in said black pit.
Then the next day I got the same vision and I was still falling. Then I needed to do something so I left while still falling. Then later that day I got it again and I was still falling but a few minutes later I landed in water and it was this black gross water in a glass thing. And so I went over to the side and saw that there was a staircase spiraling down against the wall that I could have used instead of just impulsively jumping but oh well. I got out and sat on the stairs and just sat there with nothing else to do. Then Jesus walked down the stairs to me. He stopped next to me and we just looked at each other for a moment. Then he asked, “Well are you going to continue?”
“I don’t really want to.” I said.
“Let’s go,” he said while holding out his hand.
I grabbed it and we walked the rest of the way down the stairs. At the bottom I saw a clogged drainage hole. It was clogged with something that looked like hair in a drain.
“What’s this?” He asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t even know what’s going on here.” I said.
“Didn’t you recognize this?” He gestured up towards the glass. I shook my head. “This is your lake of lies.” He said. “So should we clear this out?” He asked, making clear the “we” in that.
“Ya I can do this.” I said, showing how much my pride needed to be destroyed with the “I can do this” instead of “I need help”.
So for that entire day I was trying to clear that out myself. I could physically feel that stuff on my hands whenever I attempted to clear it out during the day. That night we were doing baptisms and I had decided to get baptized. As I was getting prayed over before I got baptized I handed it over to the Lord to clear that out because I had gotten to the point of complete defeat and I knew I couldn’t do it. And it hurt my pride a lot but that was what needed to happen and it was a very humbling experience. And as I was getting baptized the Lord gave one of my leaders a vision of him pouring a pitcher of water over my heart and cleaning it out. And when I was given the vision again I found that the glass lake was completely cleared out, cleaned, and replaced with clean water.
The next day I was given the vision again and I was still in the room with the glass lake and Jesus. We played in the water for a while. Then he asked if I wanted to go up and see the next door. Now by this point I was tired of doors and opening up things that I had locked away. So I wasn’t wanting to. But he very gently held out his hand and I took it and he lead me up the stairs. I was still not wanting to go and see another door but we got up to this door. It was on the other side of the pit from where I jumped in.
I tried the door and unsurprisingly it was locked. “See,” I said, “I can’t open it because it’s locked and I dropped the key.” I said confident that I wouldn’t need to open the door.
He simply handed me the key that he had picked up for me. I reluctantly opened the door. I was really not wanting to deal with something new.
When the door opened I saw the pasture from Psalm twenty three. And the glass lake was filling the stream that went through it. And there was no shortage of the water in the lake even though there was seemingly nothing filling it (because the Lord is filling it). And as I looked around I saw the pavilion with everyone from awakening in it. And there were a hundred people at awakening including me and I was the only person missing from the pavilion.
The Lord worked in some miraculous ways in my heart over awakening. And he healed a lot of hurt that had happened in my life. God is so good. He taught me so much about his love through this.
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